Does anyone else live life in waves? Everyone loves you, you have to many people to hang out with, you spend every night out ----> Everyone hates you, you're the awkward person at the back of the group who pitches in one liners and gets left behind when the group walks away, and you spend a lot of time at home on the computer. Because I totally do.. to the T. I know I'm a bit odd, I came to terms with that a long time ago, but shouldn't there be a consistency? I mean I'm not in a group of cheerleaders, who won't talk to me if my new jacket isn't name brand, I'm with other odd people, like a whole bunch of Luna Lovegoods. But. Still. There's so much judgement. Which leaves me with so many questions..
Haven't we reached high school? More than reached it, lived in it, gone through a few years, getting ready to be in college? Shouldn't this be out of our systems, the whole judge-you-to-feel-better-about-myself thing? Will I ever be good enough? And, even if they're not my friends, should other people have to defend me? Can't others see that sometimes swallowing your pride is just needed, and that feelings and drama can be spared if there isn't a scene? Am I dragging others down by being attached to them, pulling them from the people they've trusted and hung out with for much longer than I've been around? Is this normal? Can anything be normal if it's associated with my craziness? Should I forfeit my craziness for the sake of happiness? If I'm going to run from responsibility, expectation, and planning to find hope, love, and the unexpected, can I just run from this too? Do I really want to lose this?
Do I really want to lose them?
Can I face losing him?
Am I ever going to get any answers?
Sorry for a less-than-positive post, this sort of sprang up, and i'm not sure what to do about this whole thing except blogging it, which I seem to do a lot of.. well, only 2 months until I HAVE to make a decision, that's a lot of time right? nope, thought not. Not in context to the 17 years and 10 months before this that I've used to think about the same decisions. Well, after a less than satisfying post, I take my leave. Oh, add that to the list, which way do I exit.. Just kidding.
Here goes Kiko, off stage left.
Buonanotte, beauties.
